Today is my Dad’s 83rd birthday.

For quite some time, my perception of my dad has been caught in a strange, in-between time. Dad hasn’t passed, but he’s not really Dad anymore.

Dad’s birthday makes that feeling all the more apparent. We’re going to celebrate his birthday on Easter, but we really can’t get him many gifts. He doesn’t want or need much, and his stuff is always getting “borrowed” by the other dementia residents.

Alzheimer’s is called The Long Goodbye. So very true. Sometimes, I wonder how it will feel when Dad actually does pass–I’ve grown so accustomed to his dimishing personality and capabilities that I don’t “feel” grief for what he has lost, at least not the way I used to. I believe in Heaven, and so does he, so I have a great assurance that he will be in the presence of the Lord.

But every now and then, I feel a wave of missing Dad, as he used to be. And when I do, my thoughts wander to how life would be for him and Mom if he were 83 and healthy, body and mind.