It happened again. Driving along in the predawn darkness on my way to the coffee shop, there it came.
As I often do when driving alone, I was speaking aloud my heart, my concerns, picturing Jesus Himself in the seat to the right. Thinking, thinking, praying…
Here and there went my thoughts, from this to that to the other thing, telling Him, the One who knew. Briefly, they landed on the sore, the thorn I’d picked up the other day when I ran across her blog. I’d done the one thing I ought not – I’d compared. Mine to hers, hers to mine, and I’d come up small. In nearly every way.
On raced my thoughts, praying once more to love Him more, to know for sure His love for me, before landing briefly on the tight, small place in which I find myself now. And then it came.
“Embrace the smallness. Embrace the stillness.” It was His voice. Not audible to the listening ear, perhaps, but ringing clear and true to the ears of my heart.
“One day, you, too, will be greatly used. But for now, embrace these two.” So gentle, so loving was the Voice that my troubled spirit quieted with a simple, “Yes, Lord.”
Settled, finally, at my favorite table, the corner one with the lamp, coffee in hand, I opened the Word. Then, before starting the column, I turned to my other source of daily bread, “God Calling.” And heard again His voice:
“The joy of meeting Me should more and more fill your (life). Your (life) must first of all be narrowed down more and more, into an inner circle life with Me, and then, as that friendship becomes more and more engrossing, more and more binding, then, gradually, the circle of your interests will widen.
“For the present, do not think of it as a narrow life. I have My purpose, My loving purpose, in cutting you away from other work and interests for the time. When (you have) gained strength and learned (your) lessons in the inner circle, it (will then) widen, working this time from within, out, taking to each contact, each friendship, the inner circle influence. And this is to be your way of life.”
Inner-circle life. Inner-circle influence. If that’s what I desire, then I must embrace the smallness, the stillness of today. During this time of relative solitude, of “smallness” in many ways, He and I are becoming friends. I am learning to trust Him more. Learning to love Him more.
And the rest? Well, that’s up to Him. For now, I’m embracing today; embracing Jesus, and finding, in the end, that He is really all I need.