Mr. and Mrs. Gopher

I have been very patient with the squatters in my garden–the uninvited Mr. and Mrs. Gopher–gently encouraging them to move elsewhere…but I am starting to feel like Bill Murray in Caddyshack.

I have pursued the advice of experts, who shake their head, sympathetically, but offer no help other than poisoning them or using smoke bombs or shooting them between the eyes (though, after my sixth tomato plant disappeared down their subway system last week, I was glad I didn’t own a gun).

So I went to the garden store yesterday and bought a squealing machine that promises to convince the Gophers that a predator is in the area, make them scream in terror (picture on the box actually shows them screaming), and run away from my garden, never to return.

They’ll probably move over to my neighbor’s yard, which won’t do much for our neighborly relationship.

But…that’s another problem for another day.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Woods Fisher writes bestselling, award winning fiction and non-fiction books about the Old Order Amish for Revell Books. Her interest in the Plain People began with her Old Order German Baptist grandfather, raised in Franklin County, Pennsylvania. Suzanne's app, Amish Wisdom, delivers a daily Amish proverb to your phone or iPad. She writes a bi-monthly column for Christian Post and Cooking & Such magazine. She lives with her family in California and raises puppies for Guide Dogs for the Blind. To Suzanne's way of thinking, you can't take life too seriously when a puppy is running through your house with someone's underwear in its mouth.


  1. Mocha with Linda says:

    Bless your heart. Critters are a pain. We’ve had raccoons in our attic. Trade ya!

  2. Lily Ann says:

    When we lived in Modesto, we had a “critter” problem. Our nieghbor had a cat and let it roam in our yard. It worked!!!

  3. Karen says:

    Did the squealing machine work? My gophers just laughed, tunneling aroudn the things.